Ep 11 - Navigating Big Changes with Kerry Rowett
Kerry Rowett is a Kinesiologist, Reiki master, author and the founder of Align + Attract. Kerry helps women align their energy towards creating a business – and a life – they love. I’m thrilled my dear friend Kerry is joining me in this week’s podcast to talk about navigating big changes in our lives.
Listen to the full episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcast and more.
Broadcast: April 23, 2021
Here is a snippit of our conversation…
A shift in identity...
Amy: Lately Kerry and I have been having some really interesting conversations around our identity and major transitions in our lives. And we thought that this would be a great conversation to have because transition comes in so many different areas. New jobs, new partners, becoming a mum...
Kerry: It's so interesting. Isn't it? When you go through those big positive changes in life, and sometimes it can be something you've really been wanting - like we’ve manifested it quite consciously. And even though that change can be very positive, sometimes it does come with challenges or just unexpected choices and decisions that you're then having to make that you didn't see coming. So, I've known you for a number of years, and I've known you to be in different relationships, but nothing like the relationship you are in, right now, like that has really changed you. And you're obviously so happy and I've seen such a big change in your priorities. Lots of people will know that you're in this new relationship, but what has really changed for you?
Amy: I came into this year as a single woman and by mid-February had met and become engaged to my now fiancé Andrew. Nothing prepares you for such a massive transition. I am somebody who has spent most of my adult life single. Over the years, I’ve become fiercely independent and lived alone, so there's those adjustments that we all know you need to make when you're moving in with someone - like compromise - which actually has been totally seamless for us. But something that was quite unexpected for me is I’ve always prioritized my work and been very passionate about it. Work has always been my biggest passion and as someone who has spent the last decade recovering from Chronic Fatigue I’ve had to really conserve my energy for work.
Kerry: And in the time I've known you, if you've got spare time, it’s always put into your work or if you’ve got more energy, then you'll throw it into work! It’s like whatever is going on it’s so exciting because you can direct more energy into work! It’s so different isn’t it?
Amy: Yes, it truly is. I feel like my identity has changed and suddenly, I’m having a little difficulty grasping who I am as part of The Holistic Ingredient journey now, because I am not the woman that I was two months ago. And what comes with that, and it’s something I’d love to talk to you about, because obviously your identity was very much tied up in your business wasn't it before you had children. But it's what also comes with that is there's a lot of pressure we can put on ourselves to figure it out and to quickly try to realign your priorities and make it all ok. There's all this stuff you have to try and navigate isn't there?
Kerry: It's so true. There are a couple of things you said there that I want to pick up on. And the first one is just that sense of uncertainty that can come when you go through a big transition and you can feel your identity changing because it's like all of a sudden things that had clear answers, you no longer have those clear answers. What is it that you really love? How do you really want to spend your time? What do you want for your future? Are there any other things that you've observed that all of a sudden do feel a little bit more uncertain?
Who am I now?
Amy: It's interesting, I feel like life was simpler in many respects when I was on my own, I was on my path. I knew exactly where I was going … The way in which I interacted with my business, what I did day-to-day, my daily routines - there was less to think about.
Kerry: Yes, you kind of do what's right for you without having to have those additional considerations - but that's the second thing I wanted to pick up on. So there's the uncertainty, but there's also that complexity, isn't there? It's like, something that's beautiful and it's additional to your life or has changed how you see yourself. It does sometimes add those different, like choice points and decisions and considerations.
Amy: And then, trying to adjust to having less time. That’s something else that is playing out for me now. I have always been very careful with my energy. So what will happen for me is I have something significant happening in my business, I know that around that time, in terms of my self care, I need to plan - I would probably plan three or four nights in a row of being on my own at home without the energy of anybody else, and that's how I recover. Having said that, I think there's a lot to be said for being very happy and how that impacts your health! So for you, Kerry, what were some of the things that you, that really shifted for you when you had kids as a businesswoman?
My son prepared me for what it was like.
Kerry: So I met my partner about six years ago, having come out of a very unpleasant relationship situation and really recovering from that and rebuilding my life. And then, like you, I focused on that rebuilding, where I put my energy into my business. And that was just such a passion of mine and always has been. So like you, it was just such an important part of my identity and who I was and that sense of success and fulfillment and purpose. So then it was about a year later after meeting, we conceived my son and straight away I knew things were going to change and I'll be honest, I was quite worried about it. I actually burnt myself out and ended up having to have the last eight weeks of the pregnancy on bed rest because I had an irritable uterus and I was in so much pain. I couldn't actually do anything. So it was like this really interesting way that my body, and maybe also my son, prepared me for what it was going to be like having a baby. And I absolutely did embrace that and I took my time off. So it has come with a really big shift in identity and like we said, a little bit of uncertainty about who I am. And especially as I start to take some more steps back into the business.
Amy: I find it inspiring, during my conversations with you, I get a sense of how you manage your busy life – and your ability to be so focused and I mean, it’s wonderful to witness just how much you can achieve.
Learning to say No.
Kerry: I feel like there's a lot I have to say No to, and there's a lot that I can't do. And that was a really big change for me, because I think when it was just me and I didn't have children, like you can just do those sprints. You can push yourself. You maybe are a bit tired, but it's like, ‘No, I can still do that launch or I can still see those extra clients if I want to, or if I need to.’ Whereas now it's like, I just can't - if your child is sick, you need to cancel your schedule sometimes.
Amy: Going back to what you mentioned before, when there was extra energy, it was for my work. And if there wasn't enough energy, then I needed to go and be on my own and rest in order to do more later. So, what sort of advice would you give to people who are navigating these times?
One: Be gentle with yourself - some moments can feel bumpy even when changes are GOOD.
Two: Be patient - you might not really know what you want or what is best for you at times as things shift.
Three: Re-clarify your values - what's most important for you in this new chapter? Has it changed?
Four: Keep up your self-care – it’s easy to get swept up in the positive change or busy-ness of the new life stage and forget to look after yourself properly.
Five: Give yourself permission to ENJOY the new chapter!
Amy: Thank you for being here.