Ep 21 - Why We Need To Find Our Purpose (And How To Do It) With Simone Denny
Simone Denny is a qualified life coach, Mind Detox Practitioner, Mindfulness Facilitator and an Epigenetic Health Coach. I’m thrilled my dear friend is here to discuss why we need to find our purpose – and how to do it.
Listen to the full episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcast and more.
Broadcast: July 02, 2021
Here is a snippit of our conversation…
The 3 cornerstones of purpose.
Simone: The way I teach purpose is by talking about three cornerstones to our purpose. So, your passion and what you love doing is one of those three things. We need to follow what we love doing. That's really, really important. And sometimes we forget what it is that we love and we forget what brings us joy. So we almost have to work on remembering what we are passionate about and keeping that alive.
The other cornerstone is doing what comes naturally to you. What you're good at. Your strengths. And sometimes we find ourselves working in jobs where we're not using our natural strengths and talents. We can do it and we might've learnt how to do it and we might've even learned how to do it well. But it's not our natural essence. It's not what's always come easily to us.
Finding purpose in service.
The third cornerstone of our purpose is being of service. That part of it is just so key to making it sustainable and creating the meaning part of our purpose. So when we don't have the meaning, that's when we don't feel on purpose. So every element, when we're trying to design our purpose should have a clear understanding of who you're serving, whether it's another person, whether it's the environment, whether it's the world… There is always an element of service when you're in your purpose.
Joy giving is service.
Amy: So when I think about service, certainly for instance, in the work that I do as a therapist, I'm supporting people through holistic health measures. I'm in service to other people to help them lead healthier and happier lives. Let's say though for example, that your passion is pottery. Your skill is pottery. In what way are you in service here?
Simone: So an artist is being of service because when somebody picks up that piece of pottery that's totally unique and takes it home there's a feeling that comes with it for that person. And that is being of service to somebody because you have given them something that maybe brings them joy, that maybe makes them reflect on something that is adding an aesthetic to their house or something practical. So it's connecting with ‘What does my unique piece of art or artwork give to somebody’ and we can always find a way of being. And then we might say ‘Well, we got that clay from this place and it's ethical and it's sustainable.’ And also being of service to the planet. There's lots of elements where we can really dig deep and discover what that element of service is.
When did we lose our joy?
Amy: So these three cornerstones? So one of them was around finding your joy, what is it that brings you joy now? It's not uncommon for me to speak to therapy clients who will say ‘Well, I don't know. I don't know what brings me joy.’ Where do you suggest people start?
Simone: Yeah, I love this question. Sometimes through a phase in our life, we've lost our joy. For example, when we've been through motherhood and we've been massively of service to our children. So a lot of the ‘breadcrumbs’ are what brings us joy, and it is actually back in our childhood, that we have often forgotten. So I often get people to go back and say what was it that you used to do when you were a child? What was it that you just lost track of time doing, that you just felt so good doing?
Create yourself from the inside.
Amy: As a therapist, I see a lot of women who are seeking purpose, but I get the sense that many of us are on a quest to find it to the extent that we are inherently living in the future. We’re not in the present moment, there's this desperate need to figure it out. And to me, there’s tension that we create around that, that desperate need to find my purpose - what am I here to do means that we're not in the present moment. We're not experiencing the joy of the present moment. Is it fair to say that in fact that would be holding us back from finding it?
Simone: Yes. And that's what I would call creating yourself from the outside. We're desperately looking outside for a reference of what we think is going to make us happy. So we keep doing and doing and trying to achieve, and we follow this path and we look on Instagram, we see what people are doing there. We look at the bright, shiny lights everywhere. And we started following these different paths without really checking in and going ‘Who am I first? Who am I?’ And when I work with people, I know when you say, who are you? You probably think, yeah, I know who I am, but really? Who are you really? When we go deep into you, what is it the core of your essence? What is it that makes you completely unique? There's no one else like you in the world. And that's when we really dig into who am I. And when you understand that, and that's when we start to create ourselves from the inside out, and it doesn't really matter what other people are expecting of you or what you are thinking your life should be. You think ‘I really know what I'm here for because I know myself.’ And you start creating from that place, which is your state of being rather than doing.
How to live your purpose…
Amy: So how can we start taking steps to living our purpose? Where do we start?
Simone: So going back to those cornerstones, I would say really understanding what your core values are and getting really clear on those values and asking yourself ‘Am I living in align with my values?’ Because often when we're out of alignment on our values, that's when we feel stuck. That's when we come up against resistance, that's when we don't feel in flow because we're living out of alignment with our values. So for example, if your value is connection and you are working in a corner office by yourself, going through spreadsheets on your own all day, then that value isn't being met for you. We have so many clues when we're out of alignment. So it's actually feeling and noticing and going ‘What is it that's out for me right now in what aspect of my essence is not getting expressed right now?’ That is how we get closer and closer to our purpose, just by taking little pivots that keep us more aligned with our strengths. So again, that's another aspect of how we find our purpose is to get really, really clear on what are my strengths.
There’s another aspect of what I think is really important that's often overlooked in finding our purpose, which is to actually go back and look at your own story in life. And that doesn't just mean looking at all the things that we're good at. It's looking at the things that we found really hard and a lot of times we want to gloss over these and we don't really want to go into those, but you will find some of the greatest gold about what has made you who you are. So some of the hardships that we have faced in our life, even the ones that we wished they could erase actually can direct us to living our purpose, because we discovered something about ourselves.
Amy: Oh my gosh. I feel goosebumpy. You can find out more about Simone, her amazing work and her next course – available in September - by visiting simonedennywellness.com. Thank you for being here.