Ep 25 - Why Even The Best Relationships Are Not The Answer To Finding Happiness
I wanted to share a personal ramble today, from the perspective of someone who has spent many adult years single. For some of this time, I wrongly believed that if I could just FIND THE ONE, surely my happiness would come and all my problems would go away. Surely if you FIND THE ONE life will just get easy, better, sunnier…
Listen to the full episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcast and more.
Broadcast: August 06, 2021
Here’s a snippet of my recording…
Single life IS a happy and complete one.
Now, let me pre-empt this ramble and say, on behalf of many single ladies, it actually IS possible to have a wonderful life on your own, without a partner. To all the coupled-up folk who look at the singles with any sense of pity, please know this – many of us are actually genuinely HAPPY and fulfilled.
Over the years, there have been friends who say ‘Oh Aims, I so hope you’ll find The One, one day.’ It’s almost pitiful.
You see, the thing is, some of my adult years were challenging. And I believed that if only I could find love, many of the challenges would go away. However, it wasn’t until the last 10 years that I actually really started to love and accept my life as a single woman. I think because I really came to love and accept myself. I loved having the house to myself, my bed to myself, weekends to myself. I am very independent and accustomed to spending time with my girlfriends whenever.
I’ve been in and out of short or longer term relationships, I’ve spent years alone between relationships and as the years went by I grew more and more accustomed to and content in my own company. I feel so very fortunate to have a life that was defined by me and only me.
The grief in letting single life go…
Having found Andrew, and made the decision to commit long-term to him, while feeling so grateful for the position I find myself in, I’ve been genuinely surprised by the adjustment and with that the subtle grief for the life I’ve left behind. I’m now navigating ways to retain my independence and sense of Amy, and finding new ways to be in the world. I miss the single me, I miss my solo home, I miss entire weekends to me if I care to choose them. And guess what? My challenges - they’ve not gone away.
The reason I found Andrew when I did I believe was because I was fulfilled in most areas of my life. I was truly happy. I loved the life I had carved out for myself and I didn’t feel like anything was necessarily missing, or that I wasn’t complete because HE hadn’t yet come along. I recognised how fortunate I was to have this life – so much freedom and independence.
There’s no ‘completing’ someone.
The notion that someone completes us feels wrong to me. I was a whole, complete and happy woman before another came along. I don’t need someone to complete me.
So I suppose my ultimate message here is this: Fall in love with your life. Do the stuff that makes you happy. Travel when you can. Take care of yourself. Nourish yourself in all the ways you know how to.
Revel in the freedom that comes with a single life.
Get a great nights sleep! Spend time with your dear friends. Connect with people you love. Love your life and YOU first, so that there’s no longer any need for someone to complete you. Fill your life with love and then I truly believe love will find you. And it’ll be less about feeling complete and more about welcoming in some cream on top of that already happy life.